Monday, June 18, 2012

Because the night belongs to lovers

You have been in and out of bed about 13 times since I tucked you in. You ask for water, say you have "the snuffies," you need me and only I will do. I know this is all a ploy, dear Girl Who Cried Wolf, but I give in, time and again. I will take this nightly dance with you, because it's all I've got after the long work day. I don't want to need you needing me, but you needing me is so fleeting that I cling to it like a raft.

I lay next to you while your brother tosses and turns in the bunk above, noisily slurping that thumb that he won't give up in the night. I close my eyes, thinking it will speed up the process. It's 9:05 and your father's voice inside my head reminds me that it's my job to make sure you get enough sleep, not to steal selfish glances of your pretend-sleeping face.

Your eyes are forced closed, but you wrap your hand around my finger tightly, to secure me in my spot. Ray Lamontagne plays on the iPod and I wonder what it says about me and your dad that all my favourite love songs now belong to you.

I wedge an eye open, surreptitiously watching the crests of your face give hints to the beauty of your adult face. Your perfect bow mouth, your sweet non-Armenian nose, your eyelashes that end in tips of gold. I want to save it. Every mom wants to save it. So I save it the only way I know how... by being present for it.

8 comments:

Louise said...

Sigh. Ray Lamontagne and sweet little pretend-sleep faces. A perfect combo, if you ask me.

Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) said...

Nicely said, Nadine. Even though I just toss my two 8yo twins in their bedroom and like Survival of the Fittest take over until one of them conks out. Zzzzzzz. ;)

scarbie doll said...

Ha! Well you're a teacher Leanne. If you can't break away at bedtime after spending all day with other people's kids, then there's no hope for me.

Alex said...

I'd give anything for this kind of peace tonight.

Emma said...

Lovely. I was there with you, just then.

Laural Dawn said...

I loved that.
My moments like that are first thing in the morning when my daughter snuggles with me and is just waking up.
(and I was soooo excited to check my reader today and see you were posting!)

Lora said...

gorgeous post. Bedtime is my favorite time of day. I'll be sad when my son won't let me share it with him.

La Blogueuse said...

Lovely post...you always pluck the thoughts out of my head...the past 2 nights with this ridiculous montreal heatwave and baby girl just having recently started daycare, she clings to me at night, hugging my chest and weaving her arm through mine to avoid escape...at first I feel hot and annoyed, but as I gaze onto her face, I soften and I get emotional and want to cherish this fleeting need for me...