Changing expectations

Originally published at Sweetspot.ca


Before I actually became a mother, I had many preconceived notions about motherhood. I thought that many moms were just lazy or ill-informed, and that I was somehow clever enough to break this perceived cycle of bad parenting. I was going to break new ground. 

It didn't take long to learn that all those ideals I had were going out my low-e argon windows. Here's a list of things I swore I'd never do as a new mom: (We can laugh at me together.)

Eat my dinner cold. After organizing a particularly busy family lunch, my cousin Ellen (mother of four) looked at a newly pregnant me and said, "Get used to eating your dinner cold." I smiled and nodded, frightened by the statement. Later my best friend and I laughed it off. "She doesn't know what she's talking about," Liz pshawed. "We're more together than that. You'll put the baby's food in front of him and then you'll serve yourself." What I didn't know then was the 42 times I'd have to get up from the table to get another food item because of [insert kid's daily food issue here].

Wipe my child's face with spit. Oh how I hated my parents' freshly licked fingers making a beeline for my cheek. I swore to high heaven that I would never do this to my own child. And I could have stuck to it -- if I could remember to bring wipes every time we go somewhere.

Co-sleep. I decided early into my pregnancy that my baby would sleep in his crib, always. And I'd have him on a schedule and he'd sleep through the night early on, because hey -- there's got to be a Type A pass for these situations, right? What do you mean I can't control this?

Put my kids in disposable diapers. "I'm going to get a cloth diaper service," I boldly told my friend L, a mom to two. She laughed hysterically. "Sure," she said sarcastically, "You go ahead and try that. Let me know how that works out for you. Hahahahaha!" I was defiant. "I will," I retorted. And then I met those early poops. The ones that laugh in the face of cloth. The ones that seep through and reach up to the neck. And well... at least Toronto recycles its disposables, right?

Talk about poo. I wasn't going to spend all day talking about diapers and sleeping habits. I was going to talk about feminist literature and all the great movies I got out to see that week. I didn't have other mom friends at first, so who would even be engaging me in poo talk? Then, during a visit with our hyper-intelligent, journalist friends, (incidentally the new parents of twins) we all exploded (pardon the phrase). "Can you believe the size?" "Oh just wait 'till he starts eating meat!" It was as if we'd been backed up in poo talk. The floodgates had been opened. Oh the relief! (Sorry, couldn't help myself.)

Feed my kids fast-food. I was a socially-conscious downtown hipster. Nary a pesticide would enter my son's mouth if I could help it. He would only drink goat's milk like my ancestors did. I would never feed him take-out or frozen food. Um, yeah, right. As we used to say in high school, "And then you woke up." Oh I try to cook from scratch, but some nights the six o'clock scramble is a challenge. And I am so tired. Heck, I wasn't even breastfed and I turned out OK...

Let myself go. I wasn't going to spend my days in sweats and greasy ponytails, wearing the same sweater every day. I was going to be a hot mama. I would take an hour to look fabulous each morning. And read newspapers. And iron my freshly washed pants. I sure as hell wasn't going to walk around with someone else's food on my sweater! Heh... 

The bottom line: once I let go of these ideals and stopped trying to be what I thought was the perfect mother, I could relax enough to enjoy my kids and be the mother I was meant to be. Being a SweetMama isn't about being June Cleaver, it's about living your best life and taking your kids along for the ride.

The happiest place on earth: my guide to Walt Disney World

BlackBerries, meetings, deadlines. Snow suits, boots, rush, rush, rush... We needed to put it all aside for a few days, so we took a much-needed, week-long family vacation (our first ever on a plane as a foursome) to Florida. We chose to travel before March Break to avoid the crowds (and the costs). With my eldest in JK, we were pretty confident we could cover the letter P with him while taking some time to prioritize the letter F for fun and family time.

We spent a few days with Grandma and Pop-Pop in St. Petersburg, FLA before driving up to Orlando for some warm, sunny, mind-blowing fun at the Happiest Place on Earth: Walt Disney World. I'd been once before on a media trip, but never with the kids, and I was ready to experience the magic through their eyes.

From the moment we boarded the monorail to the Magic Kingdom, our fantasy trip began. "As soon as we enter the park," I told my kids, "Dad and I will shed 30 years and become kids like you." There was a dixieland band playing, kids with hula hoops and smiling faces everywhere. Then my daughter saw Cinderella's castle and poof! My child's mind was blown and my heart full of joy that I was able to bring them here while they still believe that fairy tales can come true.

Of course the first order of business was dealing with our princess-obsessed toddler. Remember when I was lamenting her tomboy-ness? Yeah, all over. Daycare and socialization took care of that. 

We headed to Ariel's Grotto in Fantasyland, where we waited in line for 45 minutes to see Lucy's favourite princess. Thankfully, there's a bit of a splash pad in front of the grotto, so kids can entertain themselves while the parents take turns holding the spot. Another good time killer is getting a giant popsicle from Scuttle's Landing out front -- eventually the kids do have to get in the lineup, so you'll need snacks and tricks handy to keep them distracted.

Of course, Ariel did not disappoint. She was lovely and completely in character and my only regret was how embarrassingly gushy I was upon meeting her. Like she was Madonna! Ridiculous. My daughter was stunned, to say the least, and I don't think the experience really hit her until we left the grotto. (You can imagine the tantrum that ensued.)

The most magical moment came at dark, with the Wishes fireworks show. It starts off with Tinkerbell flying from the tower in Cinderella's Castle and features a dazzling sound, light and fireworks display that even had the adults gasping with joy.

Other Magic Kingdom tips for small children:

• Those with really small kids might have issues getting on rides, but there's tons to do besides rides.
• Fantasyland offers lots of options for toddlers and ride-averse bigger kids, including Ariel's Grotto and a fabulous Winnie the Pooh/Hundred-Acre Wood themed playground.
• Divide and conquer. Older kids (and Dad) can take on the race track at nearby Tomorrowland, while mom and babe (or toddler) visit Mickey and Minnie's houses in Mickey's Toontown Fair.
• Take a tour on the Walt Disney World Railroad. It's fun for kids of all ages.
• Don't miss the 3pm parade down Main Street USA.
• Try to make your visit to the Magic Kingdom on a night where Wishes is on. Let your kids stay up to see the fireworks. It's worth it.

For our second day we decided to go to Epcot. We had made reservations for a fancy Princess Storybook lunch at the Akershus Royal Banquet Hall in the Norway Pavillion in the World Showcase. This pretty much appeased three out of four Silverthornes. Lucy got to meet Belle, Ariel, Jasmine, Aurora and Snow White, while my half-Norwegian husband and I dined on a traditional Norwegian buffet. (I LOVE Epcot's World Showcase!)

But that left my son, who had but one Disney wish: to meet Mickey. Thankfully, right near the entrance to the park, you can wait in line to meet Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Pluto and Goofy in one go. Again, totally worth it. The kids were happy and the photo ops for grandparents back home were plentiful.

The lunch that followed was perfect. I loved that a Disney "officer" came by to ensure that we'd had time with all the princesses. Our servers were Norwegian imports and the meal was the best we'd had since we arrived in Florida. The price was reasonable for what we got, including a large glossy photo of our daughter with Belle (plus extra smaller prints to share with family).

We spent the rest of the day touring the mini-versions of 11 different countries (while Lucy napped in the stroller). My big kid loved one-on-one time with us and feeling like he was travelling the world. But his biggest surprise was on a pit stop in mini-England. My wee Beatles fan got to see a concert by The British Experience (a Beatles-lookalike band) and it absolutely made his life complete. Well, that and riding the monorail.

General tips and tricks for families visiting Walt Disney World:

• Soft coolers, snacks and non-alcoholic beverages are allowed in the park.Bring some and save your bucks for the bigger meals.
   
• Bring a lightweight stroller from home, or rent one at the park (US $20/day). My kids took turns resting in our stroller, walking or riding Dad's shoulders. There's a lot of ground to cover.
   
• Don't try to do everything. There's just no way and you'll end up making your kids and yourself miserable. Not allowed at Disney World!
  
  
• Use your map to make a light itinerary before you set on your day. Set a meeting point with your partner in case you get split up.
   
• Breastfeeders: make note of baby rooms for nursing (they have them!)
   
• Meal options are listed with dollar signs to denote price ranges (on maps).There are healthy options for everyone at every price level, but gourmands should note that you get what you pay for.
   
• Do make a point to stop in Downtown Disney at the end of your trip. We rewarded our kids for their excellent behaviour (and just for being the awesomest kids in the universe) with one gift each. Lucy wanted Flounder from the giant World of Disney store; Nate bought Star Wars minifigures at the LEGO store; mom and dad got fish and chips at Cookes of Dublin.
   
• Do try to get a deal and stay on the resort. With all the amazing public transit options, you can park the car and just enjoy yourselves. The service and standards are first rate. Monorail resorts (Grand Floridian, Polynesian andContemporary) are the most prized, but buses service many of the others. (I want to go back and try the cabins at Fort Wilderness, because it's the most Canadian-campy-kitsch-looking.)
  
  
• Do turn off your BlackBerry and truly take notice of your family. Soak up your Florida Vitamin D and be happy you have these nutty wee people in your life.
   
• Do thank the people who helped you get there: JoAnne Wallace and friends at Disney Parks, thanks so much for giving us a memorable stay at Walt Disney World!