The second really big thing that happened -- the big lightbulb going off -- began before the ADHD revelation. Which, I guess, technically makes it the first thing, but I'm thinking it might freak you out a bit and/or scare you off, so I'm burying it here as the second thing. Which makes sense to MY brain.
But hey, if telling you I have a very highly mockable brain disorder didn't scare you off, then perhaps I'm OK... whatever, my frontal lobe will take DAYS to tell the rest of my brain what was inappropriate to share anyway... and by then I'll just shrug it off with a joke.
One night, at my sister's very un-childproofed highrise haven for wayward moms, while we were in ADHD heaven (PVR-ed shows on TV, laptopping random shit, iPodding and BlackBerrying all at the same time -- yes ALL VERBS IF I SAY SO!), she put Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now audiobook onto my iPod.
(Here's the legit audiobook and here's the Pirate Bay torrent, because Eckhart's not trying to be a zillionaire -- he's trying to get us to wake the fuck up, so I think he'd be OK with that. Can't say the same for his publisher though...)
Now I had tried to go down the Eckhart road before, when Oprah was touting A New Earth. I had made some headway with it, but asking someone with ADHD to sit through a non-fiction book is like asking Charlie Sheen to be a good husband -- not gonna happen. But the audiobook was magical. It has mindfulness bells to ring in chapters or moments of great importance. It has two other voices asking the questions you or I might be thinking.
And, as someone pointed out to me today, while "gentle soothing German voice" isn't something that you might think of (sorry good Germans, lotsa people still trying to get over the baddies) -- Eckhart's voice IS soothing and gentle and German. Like an IKEA radio commercial without the Swedish guy and the funny.
(Actually, Eckhart IS kind of humorous, as evidenced in this interview with him on The Hour. Keep in mind this was before the Tiger Woods scandal, which makes the context of a part of this interview unintentionally hilarious.)
Anyway, whatever you think about New Age-y spiritual stuff, I've thought it too. Because hey, it's easy to diss it. In fact, we've made it cool to diss it. But this isn't all patchouli and incense and CDs of people singing in Sanskrit (though if you're into that, go for it). This is just the TRUTH. This is reality. This is the meaning of life - which I'll eventually get to, for those who are rolling their eyes severely at this point.
As I take you through my journey, I will be referring to this book a lot. You don't HAVE to read it, it's not to pawn a book on you, but it's only fair that I tell you HOW I got from past to present. If you're tired of sleepwalking through your life, waking up with dissatisfaction most days and wondering why you can't be happy when you have so much in your life, then come back Monday...
At this point, I would normally invite you to send me private emails, but what I have to explain will take SO LONG, that I need to use this avenue to tell it. I will tell you when I'm ready to help you via email, so hang in there lonely souls. I feel you out there, ready to click. Patience, it's coming... I won't let you down this time...