Stifled

I'm stuck peeps. I've been hiding in the real world as a result. You see a took a great job that has made me a professional and a semi-public figure -- but my online voice is completely stifled.

The old me would have been OK with everyone knowing my business. But the reality of colleagues' faces when they've just read about your relationship with your husband, well it's beginning to make me uncomfortable.

Worse still is the fact that any PR person can Google me and find out that while I smiled throughout their event, I found it hilariously weird to be putting a piece of sausage in my mouth just as the massage portion of the event was beginning (I cannot do this justice without possibly hurting my career).

I am completely stifled. I cannot mock anything, barely even myself any more -- not publicly. Even on Twitter I find myself censoring what I want to say. Those of you who have been coming here a long time know that my honesty is my best asset. I have to write things EXACTLY as I feel them. If I can't comment on the world as I see it, what the heck can I write?

I'm completely stumped. And sad. I have loved my online home. It's may way of documenting my life, my family's life. But how can I blog with rules? Do I just continue to put it all out there and deal with the repercussions later? I can't risk losing my job in this economy -- not worth it. But do I just have to find a way to deal with the knowing stares of people who know and read me? Or do I have to tear it all down and start over again, finding a new way to write publicly and another way to write anonymously?

I really need your help on this one Internets. I chose the path of editor of a website (that I am forever an ambassador of at all times) over trying to make a living as a blogger. Do I just suck it up and decide I've made my career choice? Help?!