Fashionista goes camping -- a photolog

The way there: Torrential downpour in Toronto made me freak out a bit and mass broadcast my apprehension about the trip on multiple social media outlets.

But the rain at the campsite ended up not being so bad (last year we survived a night of monsoon conditions while IN the tent!) and the ride was a sweet gas guzzler. (Hey, even us eco-loving lefties can appreciate the occasional need for a massive motor -- not to mention the cargo space.) We had to rent a monster truck because there is no other way to fit a 12-going-on-13-year-old in the backseat between two car seats.


Hi, I'm almost two and I beg to sit in the driver's seat any chance I get. New rides are sweeeeet!


Hi, I am disgruntled because my sister gets all the front seat action AAAAAND my mom says we have to give this truck back and I don't want to because I can climb into it all by myself.


ZZZzzzzzz. One of these two nappers is not wearing a diaper. One of these two nappers had a very big Dora thingy of orange juice and no one thought to tell him to go pee before hitting the road. You do the math.

'Pakka has to come with us everywhere. Sometimes he drives. Mostly he drives me crazy, but the kids love him. Surprisingly, they don't fight over him... very often.

The things that almost did us in -- in the first 12 hours:


Oh yeah Chippy, you think you're so fucking cool with your stripe down the back and your Rescue Rangers attitude. You think we stupid humans didn't notice the hole you suddenly created right into our dining tent. You think we.. we... agh.

My husband's brain goes like this (in Yodda voice of course): Camping equals fire. Fire equals life. Therefore camping equals life. (Then in quasi Captain Caaaaaaaveman voice...) Must make FIRE! Fire makes man! Oonga boonga!

Me: Wood equals wet. Fire equals no go. Why spend three hours making smoke when there are air mattresses to fill? Whaddya mean you only packed the batteries and didn't put them in the pump?! If you'd tried to put the batts in the pump, you would have noticed that I stupidly bought a plug in!

My niece and I spent an hour with a borrowed foot pump before I freaked out and requested the rest of the campsite be polled for possible battery operated air pumps. It was 10 PM and the kids had no where to sleep yet!


Hi, I like to party. I also like to try and do everything myself. I have yet to master this zipper thing after four months of daily attempts, but I feel like I'm so close. Kinda like my dad and that fire. Sometimes I fall down. Sometimes these falls cause injury to my mama, like clawing her eyeball as I fall. Hey. Does anyone have some cheddar in this joint?

Injury sustained around 10:15 PM meant all night tears running down my face (therefore all night nose-running, therefore no sleep). The burn! Ack. Had to drive into town to get some Polysporin drops. Felt like a battered woman who lies to the pharmacist -- "My daughter fell and..."


Hi, I went to fill up the air mattress with my dad but it was dark soooooo I fell. I tripped on a log. Then I cried so hard the whole campground wished we weren't there. Then I didn't tell anyone I had a sprained ankle and two wrists full of splinters until the next morning. Then my mom freaked on my dad for not noticing earlier. Then my dad suggested he take everyone to a motel and stay at the campground on his own. Mom vetoed that. She busted out the super sugary cereals to get us all to shut up. Notice the snot on her sleeve...

Hi, do you know I get up at ten to six when I'm excited? I call, "Mam, mam! Wake! WAKE!!" until my mommy opens her eyes (or in this case, eye). Then my mama tells my dada it's his turn to take me and she goes back to sleep. This makes me cry until the entire campground wishes we weren't there. Oh, and I lurv pacifiers, especially when no one remembers to make me breakfast.

The Things That Make Me Want to Go Again:


Everyone bonded with Lucy. She had hugs to dish out for all and I swear this stage is the sweetest. I know Terrible Twos are coming, but so far the answer to the tantrums is hugs (like her mama) and it's the best thing ever. Also -- yes, I am wearing Crocs. Not even cute ballet flat or Mary Jane ones. Plain ol' ugly Crocs. Not even real ones. Mocs. Also, I look like Buck from US of Tara in that hat.


Hi again. I'm not sure about these swim shoes, or how deep I want to get in this water, but I'm working it out.

Also, talkie talkies are awesome. No wonder Bob and Wendy use them all the time. Niece takes kids to the beach, we call lunch without having to move. Wicked awesome.

We were way better set up this time. Had some good tarp action going. Plus the "dining shelter"... I could get used to this. Just need less gear that's about J going into Algonquin with the boys (single burner butane thingy) and more family camping gear (Coleman camping stove).

Being outdoors ALL. THE. TIME. is good for the soul. Also, I don't get BlackBerry reception in the park. Which is a good thing. Next time I'm going to bring Eckhart Tolle with me and really blow my mind.

Our second annual "moment" on "the rock." Sparklers and marshmallows and giant disks of Caillbaut dark chocolate (OMG I LOVE the Bulk Barn so much I want to marry it!). My daughter saw the moon, one of her favourite things, and said, "Moon!" Her name means moon. I cried. I rarely feel so alive as I did in that moment.

Hi, me again. I think this outfit is pretty badass. I mean, there's a farking unicorn on my shirt dudes. The shorts are borrowed from my brother's hand-me-downs (because I only weigh like 5lbs less than him). All two-year-olds should wear all black with pink rain boots. Seriously, go make your moms buy you an outfit like this. And then force her to play Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend" 30 times in a row.

Team Silverthorne rocks the campsite yo. Also, if the kid who won't swim wants to wear his Aqua Swim floaty trainer thing over his clothes, let him, because that shit's glow in the dark. He totally lit the dusky path to the bathroom.

Absolute bliss.
(Aw yeah, Pucci headscarf!)