The Camping Gods Hate Me

I'm trying to embrace Mother Nature. I'm really trying to get into this whole camping thing by using it as a means to shop (if they call it a "dining shelter"I can pretend it's like outdoor furniture shopping).

But really, other than the being with my family for four days straight with no BlackBerry reception (OK that part has me panicked, but it's necessary), I could really think of better ways to spend my summer vacation. Like on a bed. That's not inflated by air.

Last year at this time, I was at BlogHer in San Francisco (oh how I am missing my Amazon Arnie opposite twin right now). Our inaugural camping trip didn't happen until August. This year I thought, "Hey! Let's book the camping in July, just late enough to avoid the bugs, but early enough to avoid the chilly nights." I should have known that the camping gods just detest my kind and were going to fuck me over regardless.

The kids were at my moms all week, so I managed to get a decent leg up on work, as well as adequately prepare for the trip. Lists were made (I'll be posting my highly anal list on my Sweetmama blog Thursday the 30th). I consulted with Andrea Fishbowl (all bloggers have blogs for last names) who had recently returned from a backwoods Algonquin yurt trip (ah the joys of older kids) and who is generally good at all things creative-thinking and organizational (she and Marla are my go-tos for these kinds of considerations). She did not disappoint with her AWESOME list and menu, from which I cribbed and tweaked to my family's needs.

Our 12.5-year-old niece is coming with us to lend a hand with the kiddos, so we needed a bigger vehicle (she can fit between the two car seats, but a 2.5 hr. drive would be extremely uncomfortable). So we went onto Expedia and got a deal on an SUV -- minivans were cost-prohibitive.

J went to the Enterprise car rental place today at 2, only to learn it had closed at noon -- FOR THE WEEKEND! I knew at that moment that the camping gods were indeed fucking with me, but I kept my head cool. Thankfully, our reservation had not gone through properly and we weren't charged for a vehicle we didn't have. A quick call to Avis went like this:

Me: "Yadda yadda yadda, we were hoping for an SUV."
Avis lady: "I'm showing a rate o $560 for three days. That includes 800 kilometres."
Me: "Whoa! That's way more than we were hoping to spend!"
Avis lady: "Do you want me to see if I can get you a discount?"

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND IS GOING TO SAY NO TO THAT QUESTION?!

In 15 seconds she came back with this offer:
"OK, I can offer you $260 including tax and unlimited kilometres. How does that sound?"

How the fuck did that happen? Note readers: Never take the first offer on a rental car. Clearly the markup is just to see if you're desperate enough to take it.

I was half-tempted to see if she'd go lower, but never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, I accepted it and took down my confirmation number. Of course, I have no faith that this giant 4x4 will be available tomorrow, because really, that's just not the way my life works, but for a moment I was buoyant with hope. Maybe this trip would be great after all...

Then I went to www.theweathernetwork.com and saw this:


Motherfuckers.

Followed by this:


Just a note here that we actually come home on Wednesday. See all those bright sunny bobbles towards the end of the week? Well I'll be back at work to enjoy those from my window seat.

To top it ALL off, my period decided to arrive a farking full 10 days before it was supposed to! Just to fuck with me with that rumour that bears can smell menstruating women. So I'm going to have wet curly bangs, maxi pads and a panic attack about bears and another one about lightning hitting the tent. (Way to be a positive thinker Scarb!)

Internets, my family could really use a nice break together. So I don't know what kind of magic you do, but you've done it for me in the past. Could you just put a second of your thoughts towards turning this around? Maybe you could envision us on a sunny beach? I will repay you with a proper post about the outcome and fabulous pictures of my cuties.

(Ooh, I forgot how much I like blogging for myself! Going back and reading last year's camping and BlogHer posts made me so glad that I kept a record of my life somewhere.)