Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Flu Savers

Because I can still barely hold my head up, (and methinks the baby's about to get it too, poor thing) but I hate to leave people reading the same depressing crap for a week, I thought I'd tide you over until I can form sentences that are fewer than 30 words long.

Here's what's been keeping me going:

1. My Mom: Really, the woman actually deserves a medal. But since I can't do that from my sick bed, I'll dedicate an entire post to her tomorrow. Because she puts the ierce in Fierce. Whatever that means.

2. Gemma Townley's Little White Lies. If you're going to be decadent and read chicklit, you may as well sink your teeth into Townley. Her books are like cupcakes: sweet and cute on the outside, with just enough yummy substance in the middle. This is not a new book, but one I'd never gotten around to. It was just sitting in the spare room of my mom's house, daring me to take a chance and it was well worth it.

Quick Summary: Natalie from Bath moves to London and feels like a lonely loser, until she decides to open some fancy mail left for the former occupant of the flat. Lies, love and designer fabulousness -- what could be better in a chicky novel?

3. Reg Harkema's Monkey Warfare: This was a Last Chance on the TMN on Demand so ti had to be watched. I love a good Canadian movie that's not trying to be anything but itself. This fit the bill. I had loved Harkema's first film, A Girl is a Girl, and the Dog told me that Monkey Warfare would not disappoint. It made me nostalgic for my West-end, bike-riding, garbage picking, stoner days.

Quick Summary: Two ex-revolutionary, bike-riding, scavenging, Torontonian stoners meet a cute 20-something pot-dealer. Quirky, adorable, awesome, hilarious Don McKellarness ensues. If that turns your crank, you can download the movie for $10 here.

4. ANTM: Does it get any better people? Really! Here's what I predict -- "Oh my gosh, my name is Anya and you should totally get this concealer. Because, like, easy, breezy, bootiful, Covergirl. Like, you know? Because, like, omigod, it's really awesome." (Damn, it's no good without the inflections.) Although to me she looks like one of those underwater psychics in Minority Report, she's starting to win me over. At least she's keeping it together. Plus it's fun to do colour commentary during the show in Anya-speak.

Witney! Stop with the overcompensating! Who gives a shite that you are a size 10? With a face like that the world is your oyster. Argh, she reminds me of myself at that age, all stupidly mouthy. But I HAD to! I was a size 10 AND I look like me. Which isn't that bad, but I wouldn't even make Armenia's Next Top Model. Fo rilla. Pull it together girl! You actually have a shot. Stop trying so hard and just chill. Tyra is right. (Oh Lord, I just said that, didn't I? Must be chilly down in Hades...)

5. My Homey: What is not to love about my homey? Oh sure, there's the incredible price tag that comes with the pleasure of her company and healing remedies, but it's a small price to pay. She will probably email me after reading this to tell me that her prices are not exorbitant, and it's true, I exaggerate a bit. No, I take it back, it's a total luxury to spend your money on custom healthcare. Some people spend it on shoes, some on spas -- me? I just want this family to feel better and be up on their feet fast. I have seen firsthand what can be done without resorting to the modern medical system and I stand by it.

While we're on the subject, she also wants me to tell you that she's not anti-vaccine, however she is opposed to the one-size-fits-all regime of modern medicine.

6. The Seal Hunt: Oh a strange one perhaps, but few things divide this country like The Seal Hunt. (OK, Quebec separatism, Buble vs Feist, East or West, who hates Toronto the most**... it's a really big country. We divide a lot.) Each year I like to debate the issue in my own head.

For the record, I like baby seals. They are cute and seem smart. Though definitely cuter with the baby fur on them than without. Sure they are clubbed to death pretty brutally. Sure lots of seal stuff is sold abroad and that's fucked up. But have you seen these sealers? They are not living it up like Paris Hilton based on illicit seal sales. You and I would not live where they live for good money. Seal is pretty much the only kind of meat around there. Mind you, if there wasn't a market for seals, perhaps no one would have ever moved up there. Tough call.

I do think that we forget a very important fact in all this: Eating meat of any kind is brutal, ugly business. Since we no longer have to do the dirty work ourselves and it comes all pretty and packaged, we are desensitized. We are such a spoiled, wasteful bunch of idiots spouting our mouths off about everything. (Including yours truly.) If we each had to be completely self-sustaining, we wouldn't even have time to think about what people were doing to seals. Poor, cute, innocent seals...

** Oh they get their knickers in a twist, trying to outdo each other on the Toronto-bashing. But I'm sorry Canada, we actually do that best too. Nobody hates Toronto as much as we who love it most.

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