A sense of having things "done" has got me singing a different tune today. I am lounging, enjoying the time alone. I guess I should have known it would take a few days for the "vacation" aspect to kick in.
So this morning I woke up to snuggles from my men. Nate knows something's up and his anxiety over the impending changes is palpable. Last night, I took out a newborn diaper to show him how tiny baby will be. He wasn't impressed. Then I took out the first onesie he ever wore. "Should we give this to New Baby," I asked.
"No," came the muffled reply through fervently sucked thumb.
"Oh, why not?"
"Because it's mine."
Good point. Think fast Mummy. "Well, you're such a big boy now, this shirt is way too small for you. What if you gave this shirt to New Baby as a present and said, 'Here Baby, this was my shirt and I'd like you to have it now.' What do you think of that?"
Suck thumb and think. Then a positive nod of the head and a "Good."
This morning he was super crust. He actually tried to kick me in the belly after I suggested that Daddy show him more of his baby clothes. I took his feet and put them on either side of my bare belly, where Baby instinctively kicked. "Did you feel that? Baby is trying to say, 'Hello Big Brother! I can't wait to meet you and have you teach me things.' You can teach Baby all kinds of things, like how to play with trucks and maybe even how to walk. Because Baby won't know how to do any of those things."
This seemed to reassure him. So I continued. "I know it's scary, because you don't know when Baby is coming. All you know is that someone new is coming to live with us and that you have to share Mommy and Daddy. And that's hard. But I promise you, no one is going to love you more than Baby. Baby is going to think you're the coolest and want to be just like you. And if you're ever upset, you just have to tell us, OK?"
Nod. Well it's something. He is practically cro-magnun in his comprehension of such things. Last night he asked me what a court was while reading at bedtime, and it made me tired just trying to break it down for him.
After hunger drew them downstairs to the breakfast table, I hopped in the shower, then joined them for breakfast. I surfed my email and convinced the Dog to take Nate to daycare on the bike. Nate put up minimal fuss, though he's too smart for me. He out and out asks what I'm doing and why he has to go to daycare if I'm not working.
After they left, I picked up a copy of Jeffrey Eugenides' Middlesex, which I'm trying not to pre-judge because it's an Oprah Pick. Really, it's a multi-generational story about Greeks coming to America and my novel is a multi-generational story about Armenians coming to Canada, so I have to read it to make sure I don't cover any of the same stuff. OK, so he's covered our Orthodox Easter bread and the egg-cracking tradition. Scratch that... you know, that kind of thing? There are no hermaphrodites in my story, but our first sentences are eerily similar without me ever having seen this book before. Freaky.
I fell asleep, nude and giant, with the gentle breeze of the fan, the book seductively falling out of mind. Oh, that is the sweetest sleep. I awoke to phone calls I really wanted to get and made plans to walk to the post office with Kate (to pick up my Etsy.com prints -- which were much smaller than I'd hoped, but gorgeous nonetheless) and then to meet my new Mommy-friend for coffee then pick up our children early from daycare and take them to the wading pool. Hmmm... I'm getting the hang of this...
I ate a handful of Guylian Solitaires in bed (god bless Aztec Gold!), got all hyper and then went for the walk with Kate. I came back, flicked on the tube, tried to catch up on Days of Our Lives, but HOLY MOTHER OF GOD --- WHAT has ABE done to his face?!!! Maybe Bold and the Beautiful would be better... When the heck did Brooke get a sister? Argh, it's all too confusing.
Made myself an artichoke heart and pesto mayo wrap (my pregnancy addiction), then dashed out to meet aforementioned friend at Tango Palace. Walked over to Baby on the Hip on Queen East, but my credit card is maxed out so I didn't buy any expensive stretchy swaddling blankets or Bisphenol-A-free bottles.
Went to daycare to get the kids early (so did a handful of other moms) and felt cruel, because all the other kids wanted to escape too. Took the kids to the wading pool and just chilled out, holding new babies and enjoying the breeze.
The Dog met us in the park and some of us headed to Kate's for an impromptu dinner. There were moms, dads, kids, beer, BBQ and laughter. And this is the biggest difference this time around. I have Mom Friends. I won't be doing this alone. I won't feel the loneliness or the isolation I did the first time around. I've already made the lifestyle change. I don't have to mourn missing that great all-girl band, or not being able to go out for drinkie poos after work. I can be next to other people who no longer talk in full sentences and understand everything they are not saying.
Chilling out feels good. I'm embracing it. As a former over-doer, it feels good to finally learn to enjoy the present, to be in the moment and to accept that so few things are actually in our control.
Bring it on little baby. Mama's ready.