Thursday, May 04, 2006

An Open Letter to Jared Leto

Continuing with Open Letter Week...
Inspired by GGC's post about her disappointing meetings with her idols.

[photo removed due to weird Google searches]Oh Jared, Oh Jared.

How I loved you as the dreamy, unattainable Jordan Catalano on My So Called Life. You were just the kind of bad boy a nerdy girl like me--I mean Angela--would fall for. Your eyes, like shimmering blue pools. Your bad boy interview in Details magazine, talking about how you grew up poor and your mom used food stamps. How the 20-year-old me wanted to hold you, to heal your hurts. If I could only meet you, I could show you that I was "the one".

5 years later, I got my chance. I would be working on a film that cast you in a supporting role. I couldn't believe it! No one in the office knew who you were! "Oh my God! He was only Jordan Catalano, the hottest character on TV. Yes, hotter than Dillon McKay. You don't remember him in How to Make an American Quilt? Well what about Fight Club? He was the guy with the bleached blonde hair. OK, but he was way hotter than that on MSCL, I swear! And he is so cool and I bet he's super nice..."

And then I noticed you standing there, fresh of the plane from L.A. My heart stopped. You had heard me gushing. Ack! You could have played it cool, or eased my embarrassment. But no, you looked right at me and WINKED! As if to say, "Here in the flesh baby! I'll be asking YOU to fetch my Starbucks." Sure, I was an iron-on teed, cargo panted, Spice Girl frankensneakered Production Assistant (from fucking Canada no less) and you were dating Cameron-fucking-Diaz! But you're an actor dude, you coulda faked it a little, no?

Then your insane jealousy and immaturity began. When I asked you what you wanted to eat, you wanted to know what HE was having. Before takes you would burp like a child, annoying the crew, yet unable to shake the class act who was your costar. And maybe that's why he gets to be Batman, while coordinators and assistants are still sitting around production offices wondering who the fuck is this Leeto or Leh-toe jerk who needs to be picked up from the airport.

I don't got yo back no mo. We thru.

~ Formerly Your Dream Girl

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