Well, well, did we all have a somewhat satisfying, yet somewhat expectedly disappointing Mother's Day? Did we all think our partners should've cared a bit more? Or perhaps your mother wasn't quite as appreciative of your efforts as you had hoped, picking at old wounds you had thought scabbed over long ago? Did you try to remind yourself 40 times that it's just a Hallmark holiday, that you shouldn't really expect anything because you're too cool for that, but found yourself tearing up at moments throughout the day? Fucking dumbass holiday.
I bought the Dog a ticket to Vancouver for his birthday. I knew it was falling on Mother's Day weekend, but I thought we could both use the break. And then my brain made a classic Scarbie mistake -- I began my lead-up fantasizing, which lead to... expectations. OK, maybe more like aspiratons. Hopes. Wishes. He would be so overjoyed that I had sent him on his boys' weekend that he would plan for weeks in advance and leave me a lovely surprise for mummy's day. Yes, for sure. After all, he knows that's the least I would do for him. (Oh you can stop snickering already!)
On Friday I came home to a clean house (we resolved our bullshit from earlier this week. Meaning I resolved to let him clean.) The Dog was gone and I was ready to start my weekend. I packed up our things, picked Nate up from daycare and headed up to my folks' place in the 905. I took off my too tight jeans (more on that front to come) and let it all hang out while watching What Not to Wear with my mom and sis after Nate was sound asleep. Awesome.
I stayed up to finish the best book in forever -- David Mitchell's Black Swan Green (a post on that to come too) and wait for the Dog to call my mobile and tell me he made it. We had a late night giggle, which is always kinda fun when you're sleeping solo at your folks' place. Makes you feel like you're in high school again.
I woke up Sat morning to the sounds of my family enjoying my son. It's a lovely sound, especially when you're not fully awake, to hear the mutual giggles and coos of grandparents and grandchild. I sunk back into slumber. I woke up and thought I should update my damn blog, since I've been so shite at that as of late. I walked into the computer room/Nate's room to find Nate napping in his crib and my dad napping in the armchair. I tiptoed out and cracked open Mary Lawson's Crow Lake . When my mom and sis got back from their morning errands, all three of us were napping. Awesome.
We ladies took Nate into picturesque Unionville for some ice cream. We went down to Too Good Pond and watched Nate run after geese and ducks. Then we headed back to pick up Queen Nomad and have a girls' night at my sister's fabulous new apartment, while my folks had alone time with Nate. Only a week and it feels like QN has been back forever. We bought 6 bags of chips (bad for the diet), veal chops (bad for baby cows), and some expensive cheese, stuffed olives and a baguette from Alex Farms (bad for the diet, but good for the soul). We had vodka tonics (I personally hate tonic, but I'll do it if there's nothing else), then a fab dinner, then a date with 50 Cent. Get Rich or Die Tryin' was not nearly as good as Hustle & Flow but I still enjoyed it. The key was they didn't really let Fitty act much, but that's a tough way to tell a story. Plus, there were no "Party in the club... Mamma I got whachu need..." type songs. The soundtrack was way more "gangsta" than clubby or "crunky" (I betcha I'm the first person to every use the workd "crunky").
I woke up without my husband and without my son this morning. It was good, yet also depressing. I found myself longing for the cliches: messy breakfast in bed, cheesy carnations, a card made by the two of them. So I did what I do best when I'm bummed -- I went shopping. I bought myself some soft khakis and a white shirt at the Gap, some cute new walking shoes (I needed inspiration for my 30-minute-a-day promise), and an awesome new notebook to keep my writing in. It took the edge of my sadness.
The Dog called to wish me a Happy MD and told me he missed me. I realized that there was no surprise, that true-to-form he was procrastinating, totally clueless on what might make me happy. Bizzarre that after 8 years he couldn't figure out that a hand-made card and a GC for a pedicure would have sufficed. Ah well. I know he loves me and the rest is bullshit. But it didn't really sink in until I went back to my mum's and pulled my napping son out of his crib.
I held Nate close to me for a long time. He was extra cuddly and we held each other while I cried for a good 15 minutes, which is hours in toddler time. We had a lovely dinner with my family, my mom thanked me for letting her have Nate to herself that morning, and then back home we went. I sang my son to sleep and thanked him for being the love of my life.
I think the best Mother's Day Gift this year is knowing that after I hit "Publish Post" I will be going up to my Queen-size pillow top mattress ALONE! Bliss. Hope your day was ai'ight.