Monday, October 03, 2005

Aaack!

I shoulda stayed in bed last week. Well... I guess I sorta did. I am on a big jinx streak or something.

On Sunday, I had my in-laws over for my father-in-law's birthday. As I was waiting for the fab Ace Bakery frozen buns to bake up in the oven, the kitchen suddenly filled with smoke and an awful akryd smell that made my guests' eyes water and made Nate wake up from his nap. What the hell was going on?

There was no fire in the oven that we could see. Suddenly, I gasped -- not from lack of air, but because I remembered putting tea towels in the drawer under the oven. Who doesn't store stuff under the oven? I was quickly informed that the drawer under a gas stove/oven is actually the broiler. Ooopsy. We had to wait a half hour before anyone could come inside to eat because the fumes were so bad.

I was already in a bad mood that day because my period was a day late and I have been extremely regular since I went off the pill. I was super paranoid because my mother got pregnant with my sister when I was 8 months old and I guess I feared history would repeat itself. (I did get it -- 3 days late by the way. But phew!)

On Monday, Nate was a total monster. He wouldn't eat. So much crying, shrieking and tantrums... on both our parts. Our little Squareface was rebaptized. Tante called in the midst of the chaos. "What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to feed Fuckface."

I called the Dog and told him if he wasn't home in 20 minutes, I was going to take up heroin. I settled on downing the remnants of Nate's Pheno Barbitol instead. "Mommy needs a sedative dah-ling," I said in my most Edina-like voice. Luckily, the Dog made it home before the thick purple stuff made it down my gullet.

I then unleashed my bitchy frustration on him, which resulted in him breaking the gorgeous powder yellow Polder step can in Nate's room instead of calling me on my demonic behaviour. I have still not forgiven him for this. Why don't men understand that buying something from Winners is like buying a one-of-a-kind gem? These things are not replaceable!

Tuesday, Nate and I were supposed to meet up with Marla and Josie from Hello Josephine for their weekly walk to Riverdale farm. Nate was being crusty and coughy at breakfast, which I interpretted to be Fuckface Day 2. But by noon he was a sniffling, coughing mess and running a bit warm. I called Marla for a raincheck and gave Nate some Tylenol. By 2:30 the Dog was home with a migraine.

The problem with sick babies is that they are deceivingly small and cute. Most people take one look at the adorable snot stream running down his face and think, "How can cute little you get me sick?" The truth is, this wee fellow is a veritable petrie dish. And he doesn't know to cover his mouth when he coughs, nor to wash his hands frequently throughout the day. (OK, that part may be my fault) And so we all started dropping faster than Tara Reid's top on the red carpet.

Ragdoll and Blondie came over Tuesday night and Ragdoll got the bug after kissing Nate on the mouth and getting more than just a kiss. My dad came by to help me out briefly Wednesday and he also got the bug.I am still blowing my damn nose! And so on, and so on.

We also discovered that due to crappy wiring, our damn furnace wasn't working, so I had to get that fixed this week after a few cold nights. Perhaps that's when Nate became susceptible to this cold? Who knows.

I also discovered on Saturday that the cat had contracted fleas. Great. A quick trip to the vet (who happened to have two women picketing outside about how the vet killed their cat and dog) and some drops later, all the lovely fleas dropped onto my sheets while she slept at the foot of the bed. Am knee deep in bleach and laundry today as a result.

Anyway, that's what I have been up to in the past week. I have been thinking about a lot of subjects I would like to share with you. When my jinx streak is over, I will be back to my old funny self I hope. Wish me luck.

6 comments:

Kristin said...

I love your writing even when you don't feel funny.

I saw your blog mentioned on a Mom show on the Life Network this morning while feeding Nolan. I thought "Hey! I know her!" except, I don't. Strange.

Hope Nate feels better soon.

crabbykate said...

hey there-
just new to your blog. Just new to blogging in general, I guess. But wanted to tell you much a)I can relate to your post and b)how much I laughed at the "fuckface" comment. In a good way, of course!
Thanks for the afternoon giggle.

Marla said...

Um, so...about tomorrow? I'll call you and see if the you and fuckface are up for a walk?

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