Not to bring more sadness and tears to my blog, but I just got two bits of bad news and that scares me big time. Because, as Queen Nomad is always quick to point out, bad things happen in threes.
First off, my co-worker, Tattoo, got laid off last night. Horrific, because they just "deleted" his job. He has a baby and a mortgage and his partner is "working from home". All too close for comfort for me (though I'm a year or so away from adding a mortgage to this mess.) His partner, Clever Kev, is a pioneer in the gay community, paying $40K to have an anonymous egg donor and a surrogate mother give him a child that had 50% of his DNA. They are raising the little peanut together in a loving home and I just attended her first b-day party in April.
Then I get the next horrible news. My childhood friend, who just announced her pregnancy to me last week (she was due two weeks after me), has miscarried. What she had believed to be a baby was just an abnormal cell growth or something. None of which helps to mend a broken heart. I want to cry my eyes out for her. If she is reading this, I want her to know that it is not her fault. It wasn't meant to be and she will have the chance to start over when she is ready. She is a young and positive person, who has brought many smiles to my circle of friends and deserves all the happiness in the world. I know, dear friend, that things are going to work out fine.
So now I am not feeling like working, so time get some therapy. Sometimes, everything is so overwhelming. This whole miscarriage thing is very frightening. Last week I announced to everyone that I'm pregnant. This came down to two deciding factors:
1)I was told that once you see the baby's heartbeat on the monitor, your chance of miscarriage decreases to less than 5 %.
2)I thought I was in my second trimester.
To clarify, if I haven't mentioned this before, there are two schools of thought. The first counts your progress from your last period. Gestation is 40 weeks from the first day of your last period. The second school doesn't count the weeks before you conceive since you're not actually preggers then. So one count says I'm in the second trimester, and the other says I have a week or so to go. Confusing. Anyway, by Saturday, by both methods of counting, I enter my second trimester. Which means that I can stop worrying and start thinking of the giant shrimp as more than...well, a giant shrimp.
I honestly need to cheer up. I need to spend some time just reflecting and maybe even telepathically communicating with the baby-to-be. I am so down about everything today. I just need to be around people who are enthusiastic about the baby. The Dog has been the best! He is so happy and loving. He is honestly an amazing emotional partner. Now I just need him to step up as a provider so that I can stop stressing. Or at least stress less.
OK, that was a dour entry. Just needed to vent. I promise to provide more laughs next time.
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Sunday, June 27, 2004
Cry Me a River
Well, just over a week ago, the Doggy and I went to see a great movie at the second-run. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is awesome and I recommend to anyone who enjoys Charlie Kaufmann's bizarre mind, or if you've ever thought you'd like to date Jim Carrey. Anyway, the film centres around Carrey and Kate Winslet and has something to do with erasing an ex, or the memories of your ex, from your memory.
So I started thinking about the memories of the Dog and I over the years and I started to cry. I cried for 2 hours—the length of the whole movie! I started realizing how different life would be now and that we were about to become different people. Then I thought about all the different girls and women I have been until now. Sob, sob, sob. I think the dog thought that I was moved by the film. I mean, I have read about these crazy emotional outbursts of pregnant women, but until now have been able to keep my tears to myself. This was out of the ordinary waterworks.
I managed to stop crying for the walk home. But the second I got on the couch I started again. I began to tell the Dog how much our memories have meant to me, and how I hoped we wouldn't forget the young lovers we once were. Then we shared some of our favourite memories of the past 6 years. More hysterical wailing. My face was purple by the next morning. Lemme tell you friends, they're not kidding about these wacky hormones.
So I started thinking about the memories of the Dog and I over the years and I started to cry. I cried for 2 hours—the length of the whole movie! I started realizing how different life would be now and that we were about to become different people. Then I thought about all the different girls and women I have been until now. Sob, sob, sob. I think the dog thought that I was moved by the film. I mean, I have read about these crazy emotional outbursts of pregnant women, but until now have been able to keep my tears to myself. This was out of the ordinary waterworks.
I managed to stop crying for the walk home. But the second I got on the couch I started again. I began to tell the Dog how much our memories have meant to me, and how I hoped we wouldn't forget the young lovers we once were. Then we shared some of our favourite memories of the past 6 years. More hysterical wailing. My face was purple by the next morning. Lemme tell you friends, they're not kidding about these wacky hormones.
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Warning: Baby Show Addict
Well fans, the morphing has begun. I have been couch-bound since Sunday night. Started with an evil sore throat, then became a cough and now it's a cough with a stuffed up nose. And the most joyous part is that I cannot take any drugs! Well, you are allowed to take Tylenol, but I'm trying not to overdo it, being that I don't have much pain, nor will Tylenol cure the fact that I can't breathe.
Basically, your immune system is compromised with pregnancy and YOU are no longer the priority. All you extra energy and good health goes to baby. So basically—you're screwed if you get sick or injure yourself in any way. To add to all this joy, every book is recommending sleeping on your left side to avoid cutting off circulation to the baby. As a hardcore right-side sleeper, this is screwing everything up. So I have been forced to sleep on the couch, where the back support and lack of space is forcing me to stay left, or at least left of centre.
Anyway, prior to pregnancy, I hated baby shows. I refused to watch them as seeing the actual vaginal birth part grossed me out. To the extent that I feared I would never want to go through with it. So I stopped watching. For 3 days now I have been engrossed in Birth Stories on Life Network. And now Blondie has suggested I add TLC's Baby Story to this daily addiction. Oooh! It's on right now! Be right back....
3:35 PM
Wow, that was a good one! Up until now, the shows have focussed on women who have epidurals and c-sections. But today I've seen two natural childbirths, and lemme tell ya—that shite ain't for me boy. That is serious pain and work and does not look fun. These natural chicks have to get in all kinds of weird positions and when the baby comes out they are so out of it.
This one just now, she was in labour for 13 hours and they ended up having to give her a c-section anyway! After all that drug-free pushing! Thankfully at Women's College Hospital, where I'll be giing birth, they let you control your own dose of epidural. So you hold the control in your hand and up it when the pain gets nasty. You still feel the pressure and all, just not the pain that we all fear.
Anyway, I cry now everytime I watch one of these. The tears just start rolling down, even if I absolutely hate the woman in the episode giving birth! I will give you the details of these emotional meltdowns next time: Cry Me A River
Basically, your immune system is compromised with pregnancy and YOU are no longer the priority. All you extra energy and good health goes to baby. So basically—you're screwed if you get sick or injure yourself in any way. To add to all this joy, every book is recommending sleeping on your left side to avoid cutting off circulation to the baby. As a hardcore right-side sleeper, this is screwing everything up. So I have been forced to sleep on the couch, where the back support and lack of space is forcing me to stay left, or at least left of centre.
Anyway, prior to pregnancy, I hated baby shows. I refused to watch them as seeing the actual vaginal birth part grossed me out. To the extent that I feared I would never want to go through with it. So I stopped watching. For 3 days now I have been engrossed in Birth Stories on Life Network. And now Blondie has suggested I add TLC's Baby Story to this daily addiction. Oooh! It's on right now! Be right back....
3:35 PM
Wow, that was a good one! Up until now, the shows have focussed on women who have epidurals and c-sections. But today I've seen two natural childbirths, and lemme tell ya—that shite ain't for me boy. That is serious pain and work and does not look fun. These natural chicks have to get in all kinds of weird positions and when the baby comes out they are so out of it.
This one just now, she was in labour for 13 hours and they ended up having to give her a c-section anyway! After all that drug-free pushing! Thankfully at Women's College Hospital, where I'll be giing birth, they let you control your own dose of epidural. So you hold the control in your hand and up it when the pain gets nasty. You still feel the pressure and all, just not the pain that we all fear.
Anyway, I cry now everytime I watch one of these. The tears just start rolling down, even if I absolutely hate the woman in the episode giving birth! I will give you the details of these emotional meltdowns next time: Cry Me A River
Saturday, June 19, 2004
Introducing Fetus the Fighter
I forgot to mention yesterday that when I did yoga on Thurs night I must've really let go, because as of Friday... I'm showing! someone at work suggested that it's also because I told everyone, so maybe I don't feel like I have to suck it in anymore. But I can't suck it in if I try! That's it, one night, waistline gone. As my Portuguese gino landlord so eloquently put it, "No offence, but it's over for you!" What a refreshing thought, but man was I grumpy about being a big lump yesterday boy.
So last night I had an opportunity to go see a preview of the new Michael Moore doc Farenheit 911 with Blondie and Kerouac and the gang. Michael Moore himself was there to introduce the film and do a QnA afterwards. He said that the American media had just skewered him and he needed to take a day off educating Americans (aka his 'work") to sit in a theatre with some nice Canadians who feel like family to him. I said to Blondie, "Dontcha just wanna give him a hug?" It's not every day you get to see your hero after all.
So I cannot stress enough how much you need to go see this film. And you need to see it before you vote a week Monday. Big Time. My baby's future depends on Canadians and Americans making educated decisions when going to the polls this year. And hey, if you don't vote, you suck and you don't love your country. Plain and simple. People fought hard, were imprisoned and some even died so that you could have the right to vote. If don't exercise yur right to vote, you don't have the right to complain about your country and you're essentially not making our tax dollars count. So get out there on June 28! But do it knowing all the facts and the issues and vote for the person who is going to look out for your interests and not the interests of rich companies and rich friends.
Anyway, I've had a feeling from day one that this baby is a fighter. Just a maternal instinct I think. But last night during the film, a question wa forming in my mind. So when they asked if there were any questions in the audience, the baby made me put my hand up, honestly. I was perfectly seated in an aisle by the microphone (need aisles for easy pee interruptions) so they saw me first and I stood up, the first person to ask anything of him, I was shaking I was so nervous.
I thanked him for making the incredible film and then "I have two questions, I'll be quick. As Canadians, we are constantly influenced by America through the media, music, walmart. In 10 days we are about to have an election in this country where the extreme right wing candidate has a very good chance of becoming our next prime minister. How can we stop ourselves from becoming 12 more states?" I think people started clapping when I asked that. So I quickly added, "and my second question is, can I get a hug?"
He laughed and said, "Sure, first come up and get your hug." What a teddy bear. Then he responded by going on a rant on how evil Stephen Harper would be to this country and what makes it great. That he's using us as the example of what the yanks should strive to be, so if we vote right wing, it would not only be bad for us, but also send a bad message to the Americans. You can read his thoughts and similar statements in The Star (click to read).
I felt awesome. If nothing else I had the respect of my peers and even go kudos from some strangers/audience members. Baby is starting a revolution, if nowhere else than inside me.
So last night I had an opportunity to go see a preview of the new Michael Moore doc Farenheit 911 with Blondie and Kerouac and the gang. Michael Moore himself was there to introduce the film and do a QnA afterwards. He said that the American media had just skewered him and he needed to take a day off educating Americans (aka his 'work") to sit in a theatre with some nice Canadians who feel like family to him. I said to Blondie, "Dontcha just wanna give him a hug?" It's not every day you get to see your hero after all.
So I cannot stress enough how much you need to go see this film. And you need to see it before you vote a week Monday. Big Time. My baby's future depends on Canadians and Americans making educated decisions when going to the polls this year. And hey, if you don't vote, you suck and you don't love your country. Plain and simple. People fought hard, were imprisoned and some even died so that you could have the right to vote. If don't exercise yur right to vote, you don't have the right to complain about your country and you're essentially not making our tax dollars count. So get out there on June 28! But do it knowing all the facts and the issues and vote for the person who is going to look out for your interests and not the interests of rich companies and rich friends.
Anyway, I've had a feeling from day one that this baby is a fighter. Just a maternal instinct I think. But last night during the film, a question wa forming in my mind. So when they asked if there were any questions in the audience, the baby made me put my hand up, honestly. I was perfectly seated in an aisle by the microphone (need aisles for easy pee interruptions) so they saw me first and I stood up, the first person to ask anything of him, I was shaking I was so nervous.
I thanked him for making the incredible film and then "I have two questions, I'll be quick. As Canadians, we are constantly influenced by America through the media, music, walmart. In 10 days we are about to have an election in this country where the extreme right wing candidate has a very good chance of becoming our next prime minister. How can we stop ourselves from becoming 12 more states?" I think people started clapping when I asked that. So I quickly added, "and my second question is, can I get a hug?"
He laughed and said, "Sure, first come up and get your hug." What a teddy bear. Then he responded by going on a rant on how evil Stephen Harper would be to this country and what makes it great. That he's using us as the example of what the yanks should strive to be, so if we vote right wing, it would not only be bad for us, but also send a bad message to the Americans. You can read his thoughts and similar statements in The Star (click to read).
I felt awesome. If nothing else I had the respect of my peers and even go kudos from some strangers/audience members. Baby is starting a revolution, if nowhere else than inside me.
Friday, June 18, 2004
It's UterUS, not UterYOU!
Well, yesterday was by far, the best day of my entire life. There's no other way to put it. Everything is different now.
The Dog and I went for our first appt at Women's College Hospital. They were really cool. I guess when you deal with happy pregnant chix all day, there's a pretty high rate of job satisfaction. Everyone was nice and sensible and they basically told me that I'm healthy (what a compliment!) so i should just chill out.
Then, the best thing happened—they rushed me in for an ultrasound right away. Olga, the Russian technician showed us the baby on the screen. "Baby jumping, baby danssing forr doctorrr" she said in her thick rusky accent. Then we saw the heartrate (actualy a bunch of squiggly lines) on the monitor. Apparently once you see that the chance for miscarriage decreases to less than 5%. The heartrate was like 160 per minute or something. The equivalent of a German techno song. Apparently I'm giving brth to Kraftwerk.
The Big Dog and I were laughing and crying at the same time. It was unbelievable. It was so nice to share it together and to not be there alone. I think it made it very real for the Doggy. He keeps quoting Homer simpson "It's uterUS, not uterYOU" and then laughing his head off. I think it's his way of reassuring me that we're going through this together. (who's he kidding, I'm the one turning into a buffalo here!)
But the most special moment was when we noticed a little shimmer on screen and realized that it was the baby's heart beating. Wow, it really is a miracle. Everything is formed and ready to grow.
When I got back to work, I couldn't hold it in any more and told eveyone. I think I've shown the photo to the whole world! *Sigh* Man I'm a happy girl. Now that I've seen "it", I feel like I can relax and just enjoy.
The Dog and I went for our first appt at Women's College Hospital. They were really cool. I guess when you deal with happy pregnant chix all day, there's a pretty high rate of job satisfaction. Everyone was nice and sensible and they basically told me that I'm healthy (what a compliment!) so i should just chill out.
Then, the best thing happened—they rushed me in for an ultrasound right away. Olga, the Russian technician showed us the baby on the screen. "Baby jumping, baby danssing forr doctorrr" she said in her thick rusky accent. Then we saw the heartrate (actualy a bunch of squiggly lines) on the monitor. Apparently once you see that the chance for miscarriage decreases to less than 5%. The heartrate was like 160 per minute or something. The equivalent of a German techno song. Apparently I'm giving brth to Kraftwerk.
The Big Dog and I were laughing and crying at the same time. It was unbelievable. It was so nice to share it together and to not be there alone. I think it made it very real for the Doggy. He keeps quoting Homer simpson "It's uterUS, not uterYOU" and then laughing his head off. I think it's his way of reassuring me that we're going through this together. (who's he kidding, I'm the one turning into a buffalo here!)
But the most special moment was when we noticed a little shimmer on screen and realized that it was the baby's heart beating. Wow, it really is a miracle. Everything is formed and ready to grow.
When I got back to work, I couldn't hold it in any more and told eveyone. I think I've shown the photo to the whole world! *Sigh* Man I'm a happy girl. Now that I've seen "it", I feel like I can relax and just enjoy.
Saturday, June 12, 2004
The Young and the Sexless
So I haven't really mentioned Sweden. We took the overnight train from Bergen back to Oslo. The Dog's crazy aunt (God love her) had insisted on giving me a pack of lavender. I didn't see the point at first, but thank the Lord of the Fjord that I had it, because there was a damp dog in the seat behind me—I kid you not. 7 hours of wet dog and uncomfortable sleep is tough on a girl who's stomach is churning faster than a Mennonite making butter. I tucked the lavender into my eye patch (courtesy of British Airways), jammed my earplugs in and tried to rest.
After a few more hours in Oslo, we boarded our Stockholm-bound train, only to find that we were sitting in a face to face foursome. We thought that since we had booked so far in advance, we'd get to have the seats to ourselves...no such luck. "Oh no," Jan muttered, "they're freaks!" Maybe they're not sitting here, I said. Then the freaks approached. A Slavic/eastern European gypsy couple, dressed in stinky disco-era polyester shirts. She was about 6 months pregnant and would only look at and speak to him. He had a dark curly afro and mustache set on white, vampire-drained skin, with unsettling blue eyes. "Ve have ze vindow," he said to us when he saw us sitting comfortably by the glass. So we arranged to sit face to face so that she could look out "ze vindow" in the direction the train was traveling.
To make my long description short, they stunk and were creepy and he kept kissing on her and rubbing her belly really suggestively in our faces for 5 hours and there was no escaping them until we got off the train. At which point I saw my beloved BF Queen Nomad for the first time since Christmas. She looked awesome! I was green from the ride and the gypsies, so I had to tell her my situation ASAP. She almost crashed her new 1983 Saab and started crying of joy. That was nice, because I didn't want to freak her out. We had always discussed waiting to have kids and here I'd gone and jumped the gun. But fate is fate and you just gotta roll with it.
Anyway, in 3 weeks of the trip, think we had sex 4 times. Now mind you it's difficult to "do it" when you're staying with other people. But the overwhelming fact was that I just didn't want to. No desire to and way too tired to initiate anything, I tried to go through the motions so that the Dog wouldn't have major shock and freak out that the pregnancy was changing everything. But each time we "did it", one major thought entered my brain with each thrust..."Oh my God, he's poking the baby...poking the baby..and again, again poking the baby...STOP POKING THE BABY!"
Now I have read the books and am a fairly intelligent woman, so I know this is not true. But I am pregnant and not rational. I hear that in the second trimester you start to feel like a sex kitten. But for now, everytime we try to "do it" I actually feel pain. I'm talking pain like the first time you "did it". Once we tried lube to make the pain stop, but then I started freaking because I didn't check if it was safe to use it first. Another time things got a little "vigorous", then I was freaked out that it caused a miscarriage. Total spaz, I know. Thankfully Jan is a very patient man and puts up with me. But even he is getting fed up with trying to please me sexually, only to get agonizing stares in return. I think we'll stick to handjobs for now. Though most days I'm too tired to even do that. God, I've become the biggest loser.
Even today, in week 12, the fetus is only 5.4 cm from head to butt. But he or she is causing so much change for a little guy or girl. Have my first appt with the OB on Thursday(that's the doctor, NOT the tampon). Will update you then.
NEXT: It's uterUS, not uterYOU!
After a few more hours in Oslo, we boarded our Stockholm-bound train, only to find that we were sitting in a face to face foursome. We thought that since we had booked so far in advance, we'd get to have the seats to ourselves...no such luck. "Oh no," Jan muttered, "they're freaks!" Maybe they're not sitting here, I said. Then the freaks approached. A Slavic/eastern European gypsy couple, dressed in stinky disco-era polyester shirts. She was about 6 months pregnant and would only look at and speak to him. He had a dark curly afro and mustache set on white, vampire-drained skin, with unsettling blue eyes. "Ve have ze vindow," he said to us when he saw us sitting comfortably by the glass. So we arranged to sit face to face so that she could look out "ze vindow" in the direction the train was traveling.
To make my long description short, they stunk and were creepy and he kept kissing on her and rubbing her belly really suggestively in our faces for 5 hours and there was no escaping them until we got off the train. At which point I saw my beloved BF Queen Nomad for the first time since Christmas. She looked awesome! I was green from the ride and the gypsies, so I had to tell her my situation ASAP. She almost crashed her new 1983 Saab and started crying of joy. That was nice, because I didn't want to freak her out. We had always discussed waiting to have kids and here I'd gone and jumped the gun. But fate is fate and you just gotta roll with it.
Anyway, in 3 weeks of the trip, think we had sex 4 times. Now mind you it's difficult to "do it" when you're staying with other people. But the overwhelming fact was that I just didn't want to. No desire to and way too tired to initiate anything, I tried to go through the motions so that the Dog wouldn't have major shock and freak out that the pregnancy was changing everything. But each time we "did it", one major thought entered my brain with each thrust..."Oh my God, he's poking the baby...poking the baby..and again, again poking the baby...STOP POKING THE BABY!"
Now I have read the books and am a fairly intelligent woman, so I know this is not true. But I am pregnant and not rational. I hear that in the second trimester you start to feel like a sex kitten. But for now, everytime we try to "do it" I actually feel pain. I'm talking pain like the first time you "did it". Once we tried lube to make the pain stop, but then I started freaking because I didn't check if it was safe to use it first. Another time things got a little "vigorous", then I was freaked out that it caused a miscarriage. Total spaz, I know. Thankfully Jan is a very patient man and puts up with me. But even he is getting fed up with trying to please me sexually, only to get agonizing stares in return. I think we'll stick to handjobs for now. Though most days I'm too tired to even do that. God, I've become the biggest loser.
Even today, in week 12, the fetus is only 5.4 cm from head to butt. But he or she is causing so much change for a little guy or girl. Have my first appt with the OB on Thursday(that's the doctor, NOT the tampon). Will update you then.
NEXT: It's uterUS, not uterYOU!
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
The Princess and the Pee-Pee
I'll keep this short. Basically, you have to pee all the time in your first trimester, because something is now competing for space down there. Also because you are drinking SO MUCH WATER to help your kidneys flush out the extra hormones in your body. During my trip I peed in most of the easily accesible (meaning you don't feel like you have to buy a sandwich because you peed in their can) free toilets in greater Stockholm. Queen Nomad can attest to this as she was The Toilet Hunter for the duration of my stay there.
You also don't get proper sleep because you keep waking up to pee. So you never get to that super restful, deep deep sleep. This also causes you to remember the crazy preggy dreams you are having. Last night's dream involved me telling everyone I was giving birth to Scout's brother. And sure enough, a cute little Burman kitty came out of me -- all fluffy and dry.
Last night was the first night that I felt completely normal. OK, not completely, but I had energy enuff to clean my kitchen and make the bed. I felt like it was a breakthru. I slept relatively well too. Only got up once in the night to pee. Amazing breakthrough! I think my bump is starting to come out a bit. I haven't gained any weight, but my belly looks bigger than normal and the gas is gone. Otherwise, the uterus is not supposed to pop forward for another 2-4 weeks. So we'll see. But once it does pop forward, the fetus is not squished up against the bladder so much and this constant need to pee subsides. But worry not, the need to pee will return in trimester 3, when big baby is jammin' up against everything and even kicking on, or grabbing, your bladder.
NEXT TIME...The Young and the Sexless
You also don't get proper sleep because you keep waking up to pee. So you never get to that super restful, deep deep sleep. This also causes you to remember the crazy preggy dreams you are having. Last night's dream involved me telling everyone I was giving birth to Scout's brother. And sure enough, a cute little Burman kitty came out of me -- all fluffy and dry.
Last night was the first night that I felt completely normal. OK, not completely, but I had energy enuff to clean my kitchen and make the bed. I felt like it was a breakthru. I slept relatively well too. Only got up once in the night to pee. Amazing breakthrough! I think my bump is starting to come out a bit. I haven't gained any weight, but my belly looks bigger than normal and the gas is gone. Otherwise, the uterus is not supposed to pop forward for another 2-4 weeks. So we'll see. But once it does pop forward, the fetus is not squished up against the bladder so much and this constant need to pee subsides. But worry not, the need to pee will return in trimester 3, when big baby is jammin' up against everything and even kicking on, or grabbing, your bladder.
NEXT TIME...The Young and the Sexless
Monday, June 07, 2004
Norway in a Nutshell
Ok, so I'll continue with my trip story and then throw in some preggy bits to keep you all reading. Out of 10 Days with family in Bergen, I was served fish about 7-10 times! Now normally, I love fish. I could eat it all the time. Pregnant moi however, did not care for fish — particularly the smell. They have herring and smoked salmon for breakfast everyday, and your other choice is an open faced salami sandwich with mayo on it. The bread is never toasted. So of course, I was craving toast in a big way.
Before they were citizens of one of the richest and best countries in the world to live in, Norwegians were simple farmers and fishermen for hundreds of years. Thus, their cuisine has never really evolved. They still eat like they are farmers and fishermen. An assortment of root vegetables boiled flavourless accompanied the many servings of fish. My stomach wasn't too happy about this. I finally said to the Dog, "If I see one more fish or boiled potato, I'm going to barf!" He thought I was kidding until I got a whiff of the last meal of trip and barfed immediately. Whoa belly!
Now may be a moment to talk about the extreme gas I experienced during this whole time. Your ass turns into a rocket and you feel like you are going to get blown off your chair! Girls, you get bloated — big time. In fact, you may get so bloated that you will convince yourself you are showing. You aren't showing anything but a preview to the big (and painful!) farts that are on the way.
At this point, you may also be experiencing the lovely and relaxing effects of the increased progesterone in your body. Your muscles will be more relaxed as a result (so be careful not to overstretch and injure). This also means your ass/bowel muscles will be relaxed. Which, in turn, means two things that no body really tells you: 1)No matter how good you were at hiding fart sounds before, you have no hope in hell now; and 2)CONSTIPATION!
Hooray! You can be bloated and constipated at the same time. Aren't we preggy chicks lucky? As if you don't feel gross enough. This is also a good time to address eating. I was shocked to find that I could be hungry and wanting to barf at the same time. Even more shocking was that after big dinner banquets in Norway, I would find myself hungry shortly after. Lemme tell you, I am hungry all the time now in my 2nd month. Luckily I am not craving crap. I am craving fruits and crackers with chesse. But in Norway, it was a different story. I needed ice cream and chocolate every day. Only since I have been back has this subsided. Perhaps the crazy amount of carbs and dairy I am consuming are satisfying my brain...
OK, OK, I'll give it to you in little bits so that you're not totally turned off by the experience. Let me say a few nice things about being preggers.
1. People have never been nicer to me. (let people do things for you. It's the only time in your life you'll get this kind of treatment. -my BF Queen Nomad gets credit for this advice)
2. My husband is the best man in the whole world. (this statement alternates depending on my mood mind you)
3. Thinking about chubby little arms with rolls over the wrists and dimples in the elbows gets you through a lot!
4. Talking to the Shrimp (apparently the size of a tube of lipstick this week!)during boring or stressful meetings really helps to avoid stress.
5. Telling people in person provides the best and most honest reactions. Nothing beats putting a happy smile on someone's face—particularily the senior set in my family.
6. Nothing brings a family closer together, whether it's you and your partner, or you and your siblings and/or parents. Same goes for other relatives and friends who may as well be related to you.
7. Suddenly everybody wants to hug you. (If you are not a touchy feely person, this could be a con)
OK that's enough sugary stuff. Next time: The Princess and the Pee-Pee
Before they were citizens of one of the richest and best countries in the world to live in, Norwegians were simple farmers and fishermen for hundreds of years. Thus, their cuisine has never really evolved. They still eat like they are farmers and fishermen. An assortment of root vegetables boiled flavourless accompanied the many servings of fish. My stomach wasn't too happy about this. I finally said to the Dog, "If I see one more fish or boiled potato, I'm going to barf!" He thought I was kidding until I got a whiff of the last meal of trip and barfed immediately. Whoa belly!
Now may be a moment to talk about the extreme gas I experienced during this whole time. Your ass turns into a rocket and you feel like you are going to get blown off your chair! Girls, you get bloated — big time. In fact, you may get so bloated that you will convince yourself you are showing. You aren't showing anything but a preview to the big (and painful!) farts that are on the way.
At this point, you may also be experiencing the lovely and relaxing effects of the increased progesterone in your body. Your muscles will be more relaxed as a result (so be careful not to overstretch and injure). This also means your ass/bowel muscles will be relaxed. Which, in turn, means two things that no body really tells you: 1)No matter how good you were at hiding fart sounds before, you have no hope in hell now; and 2)CONSTIPATION!
Hooray! You can be bloated and constipated at the same time. Aren't we preggy chicks lucky? As if you don't feel gross enough. This is also a good time to address eating. I was shocked to find that I could be hungry and wanting to barf at the same time. Even more shocking was that after big dinner banquets in Norway, I would find myself hungry shortly after. Lemme tell you, I am hungry all the time now in my 2nd month. Luckily I am not craving crap. I am craving fruits and crackers with chesse. But in Norway, it was a different story. I needed ice cream and chocolate every day. Only since I have been back has this subsided. Perhaps the crazy amount of carbs and dairy I am consuming are satisfying my brain...
OK, OK, I'll give it to you in little bits so that you're not totally turned off by the experience. Let me say a few nice things about being preggers.
1. People have never been nicer to me. (let people do things for you. It's the only time in your life you'll get this kind of treatment. -my BF Queen Nomad gets credit for this advice)
2. My husband is the best man in the whole world. (this statement alternates depending on my mood mind you)
3. Thinking about chubby little arms with rolls over the wrists and dimples in the elbows gets you through a lot!
4. Talking to the Shrimp (apparently the size of a tube of lipstick this week!)during boring or stressful meetings really helps to avoid stress.
5. Telling people in person provides the best and most honest reactions. Nothing beats putting a happy smile on someone's face—particularily the senior set in my family.
6. Nothing brings a family closer together, whether it's you and your partner, or you and your siblings and/or parents. Same goes for other relatives and friends who may as well be related to you.
7. Suddenly everybody wants to hug you. (If you are not a touchy feely person, this could be a con)
OK that's enough sugary stuff. Next time: The Princess and the Pee-Pee
Friday, June 04, 2004
Easy Queasy
Back from 3 weeks in Scandinavia. It was an amazing trip and a horrible one too. Lucky for me I won't be going anywhere for awhile.
We left on a Tuesday evening for London on British Airways. My family doctor confirmed that flying would be OK, so I wasn't too nervous. I packed some snacks, water and my gay-ass bottle of Materna vitamins with me. The bottle is stuck in the 1980s and has this cheesy girl on it, smiling — as though she is thinking "Wow. I'm white, I'm pregnant, and it's AWESOME!" If I met this cartoon girl in the street, I would slap her.
I tried to watch Monster on the plane, but then it got gruesome and I thought it probably was bad for my unborn child to see. Which is silly, because it doesn't have eyes yet and can't really think yet either. Jan and I had named "it" Speckie, because it was the size of a speck of dust when we left. A speck of dust that was about to cause me a whole lot of trouble, little did I know.
While in London we stopped for a sandwich in a cute shop near Liverpool Street and I read an article in the paper about Gwyneth, a.k.a. Skinny Gwynnie, Paltrow blasting working mothers for putting their careers first. In Gwyneth's defense, I believe she was talking about rich Hollywood actresses putting work before family, NOT, as the article twisted it, working mothers everywhere. They were going off on how if they made $20 mil a year, they wouldn't be working either and that Gwyneth should just shut up and stop acting like the Virgin Mary essentially.
After a few hours in London, we switched airports and planes and were Oslo-bound. It was all fine and dandy, until I realized that I wouldn't be eating for several hours and got really pissed off at the Dog for not thinking of me and my dazed situation. Then when we landed near Oslo, we had to take a 1.5 hr bus ride into the city centre...Grrrrrrrrr....
Needless to say, by the time we were waiting for the right tram to get to our hotel, we weren't talking. When we got to the hotel, all was fine. The room was incredible. Very modern, very Scandinavian, very boutique hotel. And they still had the dinner buffet out, so we were able to stuff ourselves with salami sandwiches, green olives and potato salad. I had no idea that I would soon be unable to look at salami without my stomach churning.
Three nights and two days in Oslo were fun, but if you never went there, you wouldn't really be missing anything. I realized then and there that at the end of the day, a city is a city. People do the same things all over. A cafe in Oslo is not very different from one in the T-dot, except when you get the bill. I paid 25$ for a stir-fry at a Queen St. Style cafe! Jan paid $20 for a veggie burger. We stuck to the free hotel food and picnics after that. Oh - except for one midnight craving for a kebab/shawarma. They have a lot of Turks there, thus no shortage of kebab shops.
Oslo highlights: cool hotel, Viking Ships Museum, Vigeland's park (only photos can describe how cool this place was), Grunerlokka and Aker Brygge districts.
We spent a lot of time coming back to the hotel for naps or leaving places earlyish so I could get to bed, but in general, I felt pretty good. Normal even. Then the morning we were leaving to take the train to Bergen, I barfed. Man did I feel awful.
The train ride to Bergen had the most unbelievable scenery I've ever seen. Mountains and forests and fjords. When we arrived, we were greated by the Dog's awesome family. They made me feel so welcome and loved. It was a great experience. We spent many days in a cottage in the fjords. But I will fast forward through all this and stick to the stuff that pertains to pregnancy. More to come on my preggy experiences.
We left on a Tuesday evening for London on British Airways. My family doctor confirmed that flying would be OK, so I wasn't too nervous. I packed some snacks, water and my gay-ass bottle of Materna vitamins with me. The bottle is stuck in the 1980s and has this cheesy girl on it, smiling — as though she is thinking "Wow. I'm white, I'm pregnant, and it's AWESOME!" If I met this cartoon girl in the street, I would slap her.
I tried to watch Monster on the plane, but then it got gruesome and I thought it probably was bad for my unborn child to see. Which is silly, because it doesn't have eyes yet and can't really think yet either. Jan and I had named "it" Speckie, because it was the size of a speck of dust when we left. A speck of dust that was about to cause me a whole lot of trouble, little did I know.
While in London we stopped for a sandwich in a cute shop near Liverpool Street and I read an article in the paper about Gwyneth, a.k.a. Skinny Gwynnie, Paltrow blasting working mothers for putting their careers first. In Gwyneth's defense, I believe she was talking about rich Hollywood actresses putting work before family, NOT, as the article twisted it, working mothers everywhere. They were going off on how if they made $20 mil a year, they wouldn't be working either and that Gwyneth should just shut up and stop acting like the Virgin Mary essentially.
After a few hours in London, we switched airports and planes and were Oslo-bound. It was all fine and dandy, until I realized that I wouldn't be eating for several hours and got really pissed off at the Dog for not thinking of me and my dazed situation. Then when we landed near Oslo, we had to take a 1.5 hr bus ride into the city centre...Grrrrrrrrr....
Needless to say, by the time we were waiting for the right tram to get to our hotel, we weren't talking. When we got to the hotel, all was fine. The room was incredible. Very modern, very Scandinavian, very boutique hotel. And they still had the dinner buffet out, so we were able to stuff ourselves with salami sandwiches, green olives and potato salad. I had no idea that I would soon be unable to look at salami without my stomach churning.
Three nights and two days in Oslo were fun, but if you never went there, you wouldn't really be missing anything. I realized then and there that at the end of the day, a city is a city. People do the same things all over. A cafe in Oslo is not very different from one in the T-dot, except when you get the bill. I paid 25$ for a stir-fry at a Queen St. Style cafe! Jan paid $20 for a veggie burger. We stuck to the free hotel food and picnics after that. Oh - except for one midnight craving for a kebab/shawarma. They have a lot of Turks there, thus no shortage of kebab shops.
Oslo highlights: cool hotel, Viking Ships Museum, Vigeland's park (only photos can describe how cool this place was), Grunerlokka and Aker Brygge districts.
We spent a lot of time coming back to the hotel for naps or leaving places earlyish so I could get to bed, but in general, I felt pretty good. Normal even. Then the morning we were leaving to take the train to Bergen, I barfed. Man did I feel awful.
The train ride to Bergen had the most unbelievable scenery I've ever seen. Mountains and forests and fjords. When we arrived, we were greated by the Dog's awesome family. They made me feel so welcome and loved. It was a great experience. We spent many days in a cottage in the fjords. But I will fast forward through all this and stick to the stuff that pertains to pregnancy. More to come on my preggy experiences.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)