***WARNING: THIS IS GOING TO BE REALLY GROSS, SO IF IT MAKES YOUR STOMACH TURN WHEN I'M GROSS, INSTEAD OF MAKING YOU LAUGH, SCROLL DOWN TO THE NEXT POST.
So after I posted last night, I had to do a number two. And in a nutshell, I tore my asshole.
Now I have been eating fruit and high fibre cereal every day and have never been more "regular" in my life. The constipation of early pregnancy is totally gone. Which is good, because it's easy to get hemerrhoids from "straining" apparently, because your blood vessels are so full of extra blood. So this dump I took yesterday was rather large and not very flexible I guess, because when I pushed it out, I felt something rip or burst. Majorly. And there was an extreme burning sensation. When I got up after having finished my business, I saw that whatever vessel had exploded had splotched all over the back of the bowl (inside). When I wiped it was as serious as having my period back there! So nasty!!!!
So I shoved some toilet paper back there and went to meet the Dog for a date. As I've said before, there is nothing that knocks you down to size more that pregnancy. By the end, you're just a shell of your former, glamorous self. From the barfing, bloating, super farting, embarrassing constipation ("I'll be out in an hour honey"), to the peeing of the pants and now the tearing of my anus. What more? How much more can a woman take? Well considering I've still got several episodes where strangers will peer up my punani, stick their arms in there and then a giant baby will squeeze his shoulders and body out, tearing everything in his path -- oh and let's not forget that my boobs will begin to leak every time a baby cries... well this experience will definitely have this princess off her high horse, that's for sure. Having your husband put polysporin on your asshole also brings a new level of intimacy to the relationship.
Who will we be at the end of this? I have no idea.